Love, Faith, and Communication: Lessons from Two Christian Couples

Okay, that was a quick introductory there. All right. That is what the schedule says, so. Well, it is good tonight to come together as a church family.

And again, I am thankful you braved the cold tonight. And we are going to have the two couples that they would to make their way to the stage. We have the James family and the Lund family.

I was a little upset about what brother Lund wore tonight. I really thought that, you know, if you're going to be a testimony as a couple that maybe your wife would dress you appropriately.

But I guess this is your protest for having to. For being asked. I did ask. I asked if you wanted to be a part of this tonight. So, anyway. But. So the kids are all having fun.

We're going to have some fun in here as well. But the intent is that we learn. And I know the couples tonight are a little younger than we've done some in the past. You're welcome. Yeah.

I don't mean to talk about brother Clovis, but brother Clovis has got some age on him. And the couples up here are a little younger, but there's always an opportunity to ask some questions that would help some others.

And again tonight, I think more so, too, is thinking about those who may watch this later because it's going to be on video for the rest of your lives. So be careful what you say. No pressure. No pressure at all. Kind of introduce yourself. There's a microphone right there. Yeah. Ms. James is going.

Ladies first. Is that what we should do? Maybe introduce yourself as to your. Just your name and anything else you'd like to say. What do you do for a living?

That would be a good one.

I'm Rachel James. I'm Abby and Eddie's mom, primarily, and I'm a nurse practitioner and married to this handsome guy.

Yeah.

I'm Phil James. We've been coming here for six or seven years and eight years and time flies. I'm a transportation manager.

Y'all should have one over there.

Yeah, I have my own. Am I on?

Yeah. But even with the pink shirt. Go ahead.

Steve Wand. We've been here about three years. I'm a program coordinator. Really just deal with grants and contracts supporting cardiology at UT Southwestern.

Been saved since I was pretty young. Otherwise, you know us pretty well.

Yeah.

Valerie Lund. I am the daycare director here, and I have. I was led to the Lord by my husband when I was 19 years old.

So I'm a little bit later in life, but grew up in a Catholic family. Otherwise, we've enjoyed it here.

How many kids?

Oh, three. Three boys, 14 to 18, but one in college at Pensacola Christian.

There you go. All right. So the Lund family and the James family, both very much involved in the church, as most of you know, and have some wonderful kids.

Again, this is families who I believe are raising, or at least attempting prayerfully with wisdom, raising their children properly, who have homes. I've been in these or around these couples a lot. So it's not like they could hide anything from me or I could hide anything from them.

They know me pretty well. And so just a good example, just like the other couples we've had up here have been good examples.

And so as we ask the questions, I hope that'll be a blessing to you. And so we'll start with the Lund family. We'll ask Ms.

Lund first when and whichever one actually, these questions should be whichever one would like to answer, then if the other one would like to answer as well. Okay, so when and where did y'all meet?

Well, I do like both sides of the story, but I met a young lady at orientation to uta. I went to UTA and I met a young lady, and we were hanging out, and she wanted me. She wanted to introduce me to John Lund, Steve's brother.

And so we went over to Steve's apartment. And so I'm hanging out with a group of friends, and he walked in the door rather perturbed. He just.

You could just tell on his face he was not happy that there were so many people in his household that he wasn't expecting. So he kind of was facing the floor, and his. He connected a glance with me and looked down and just looked back up, just this double take.

And his whole demeanor, his whole expression changed, and it was just the most adorable thing. So when I went back to the friend's house and spent the night, I spent the evening talking about this fella that we met.

And it took him a few times of us hanging out as a group before he asked for my number, and he still couldn't remember my name. He knew it started with a V.

So when he finally asked for my telephone number, I wrote it on a little receipt and I put V check, because that's what he referred to me as for quite some time. He actually. Funny story. He actually laminated that receipt, and he still has it in a little memory book.

So from my side, I do want to preface this with I told you I was saved when I was very young and really tried to follow God for a long time. But then once I hit my mid to late teens, I just followed the world.

But one thing that had stuck with me from my youth pastor Clint Cavenas at Trinity is he'd always stress that we should pray for God to prepare the mate he wants for us and bring us together.

So even when I was living for myself and somehow God still heard my prayer, but I had always prayed this one prayer that God would send me the right wife, the one he wanted, and that I would know it, because I'm pretty dense. So I was working long hours and I came home. I was driving a tow truck at the time, and I came home tired, just ready to crash.

And apparently we were having a party at my apartment, so I was pretty annoyed and came in. And just like she said, I was just mad.

But then I looked up and connected, saw her, and I don't know what I thought or felt anything or probably didn't. For a while, I was pretty numb. But I did go home to my parents house the next day and told my mom, I've met my wife.

And within about a week, within about a week, we were talking about it. So it was mutual. But I knew for sure just the moment I saw her. I don't know how I knew. I just knew.

So love at first sight.

Yeah. For me, absolutely. Took her a couple days.

I can see why. More so about your brother than. I'm glad you skirted that one. You skirted that one.

Some of y'all don't know the brother, but I hope maybe he'll watch this later. But, man, you.

He's watching.

You really, really did good. All right. How did y'all meet?

And so my mom is a nurse, and they had gone on a couple trips, medical missions trips, and encouraged me to do something like that, even though I'm not medical, but just wanted to get away and do something, you know, worthwhile. And so I signed up for that trip. I didn't know anybody on the trip, just signed up and it was to Romania.

So I just remember meeting Rachel in the airport in Amsterdam. We all had flown in on different flights, met there in Amsterdam. And I don't really remember a lot other than just introducing myself.

There was a bunch of people that we were meeting at the time, just all introducing ourselves. And so that's when we first met. We served that week together, you know, in. In the clinic, and then started talking about a. A year later.

She can add all the details.

My side of the story is much longer, so you have to go on a missions trip to hear the real story. It wasn't love at first sight.

I think. Not doing this as certainly pointing out, but how old were y'all when y'all got married?

I was 30. He was 33.

Okay. I just like to point that out.

There's hope for some of you.

That's why I'm just the average person in America, men and women. Men is 29, women is 30. That's the average in America when they get married.

So I'd just like to point that out because we have some other couples, and I won't point Brother Free Is or anybody else out, but other couples have been kind of married, and actually, it's not late in life. It is the average in America. So, anyway. All right, all right, we'll go ahead and go back to you guys. How long have you been married?

Nine years.

Nine years.

And, well, I wanted to point out, you mentioned earlier, the Hales. You've always had an older couple and a younger couple.

I know it.

We're all in our 40s, but that makes us the older couple here.

Well, again, a different stage. A different stage in life, absolutely.

That's a long time.

Yeah. We were not FaceTiming each other.

So you were how old when you got married? I was 21. 21 and 24. 24. Okay. All right. All right, let's go back to you guys. What do y'all enjoy doing together?

Well, really, anything, I guess. There's separate questions about dating and things, but one of the things we've really grown to love are our little mini weekend trips.

I don't know how it started, but we try to find the most unique or goofy little Airbnb we can. And just any reason to get away from everything, even if it's just a night or so, that's been really great for us for connecting.

And then any kind of new experience, like, I guess, you know, Waco and just some of the other places we've been. We don't have any kind of thing set, just any new experience together that gets us away and where we have to focus on each other for a day or two.

I think this Is the question really is more along. And that is answering the question. But is there anything else that you know? Is there hobbies that you enjoy doing together? Is there things like that?

We don't really have shared hobbies. We like fishing, although it's rare for us to get to do that together.

That's mostly a schedule thing we've honestly made just God's work is our hobby, and we try to do as much of it together as we can. And we haven't always been this way, but we're better now about whatever one of us wants to do. We just make it a combined thing and us thing.

And that's been helpful.

And I see that in y'all. Absolutely. What do y'all. What do y'all enjoy doing together?

Shark fishing.

Shark fishing? Yes. If you haven't seen the pictures on Facebook. Yeah, go ahead and give us a little bit of that.

But no, in all reality, kind of back to what Steve said, that doing it together, I think, is a big deal. Medical missions is obviously a hobby of ours, but it's something that we can do together.

Even visitation on Tuesday night is a time that we actually get to do something together. We met in ministry, but it's also things that you can do together. It's not his hobbies or my hobbies. It's what we enjoy doing together.

And when I married Phil, he had one fishing pole, this little bitty, tiny. I don't know that I would call it a fishing pole. A little bass reel.

He came from the north. I mean, he came from Wisconsin. Well, they catch up their pike, the.

Ice fish up there. But my family was huge on fishing, and so he learned it like my dad taught him fishing.

And now that's something that we enjoy doing together, which is unusual because a lot of times the man doesn't want to bend. This is my hobby. This is what I do. But he bent for that, and now he's fallen in love with it. Yeah.

Good to see. I think he's hooked.

And now our main goal is to see who can outfish the other one.

Abby's not even here. Yeah, go ahead, Brother James, Surely you got some stories to tell us.

Well, we do like traveling, too, so we've.

Obviously, we met traveling, and the medical missions allows us to see new places, even though that maybe that's not the goal, but we do just like being together. And fishing is a good excuse to be outside.

I was born in the country, and she was as well, you know, raised just living out in the country, so just enjoying the outdoors and gives you a chance to sit and talk when you're waiting for the fish to bite.

I do have one thing I want to say for those of you who saw the bull redfish pictures where he posted that his was half an inch longer than mine. I just want to say that I caught mine first, and he put it into an ice chest where it didn't fit, so it had to curl up.

And then he measured it after it got nice and stiff. So actually, I think, like, mine was actually longer than his.

Of course. Of course.

Just putting that on public record.

Yeah, the pictures. Yeah. He don't get the last say. I like the picture of y'all went to the.

To the Wiggins house, or y'all went down to the mobile bay and caught a big old. Was it a bull shark or what was that?

It was. Yeah. His was a bull shark.

Yeah, big old bull shark. So pretty neat, right? So things that we enjoy. Would you like to comment any more about things you enjoy? Good. Y'all good. Okay. So what is your.

We'll come back over here. What is your favorite date night?

So our last date night was Saturday. We did go fishing, so. But we do enjoy that.

But just again, kind of spending time together without the kids is very enjoyable, especially at this stage of life with them being small and needing a lot of attention. And I know that will change, you know, as they get older. But we usually will do something like that. Fishing, go out to eat.

We like to get ice cream at Brahms. Big ice cream fans. So anyway, just things like that, just hanging out together. It doesn't have to be anything expensive fishing.

You know, we didn't spend a lot of money on. Initially. Initially, you got to buy the equipment, but. But, you know, you can get some bait for cheap and just go out and spend some time.

I will say that when Abby was a baby, Phil said, hey, get somebody to watch Abby tonight. I'm taking you somewhere special. I still have the text message as proof. So I called Sarah Leper. They were here at the time.

And she's like, absolutely. We went shopping. I got a new outfit. I curled my hair. I put on makeup and earrings, which was unusual for a mom with a baby.

And got in the car, and we pulled up to the bowling alley. So his idea of a special date night was slightly different than mine. To make matters worse, I had already broken my wrist and was in a wrist brace.

But he tried.

That sounds right to me. I mean, special night. Go bowling. Date nights. Let you guys answer first. What favorite date Night.

Well, I think it depends on the season of life. We think we've gone through phases of different things that we like, you know, sometimes we're trying to do things to save money.

Sometimes we're trying to do things during the day because we're too tired at night and we run out of steam. I think most recently we spend a lot of time doing brunches.

That tends to be, you know, a lot of times it's around a meal, but we like having a brunch. It seems like there's less people and we're not necessarily into big crowds or whatever, so. But we get to kind of, I don't know, powwow.

And it's almost like a little couples meeting and I don't know, I'm always got an agenda. So he's more the laid back and I'm more of a planner. I know, surprising. But you know, we try to find little things to do and we do like ice cream.

Our ice cream of choice is Andy's. But yeah, just wherever we can fit it in. Again, like he was saying earlier, sometimes it, you know, we piggyback on our, our ministry hobbies.

You know, after outreach we'll go out and have dinner or something and you know, stuff like that. Anything want to add? Anything?

Not much to add. I mean we enjoy the fancy date nights and you know, things like that. Reason to get dressed up and go out. But honestly we don't love crowds.

We don't love, you know, there's a lot of places we don't go. So honestly our brunch is been some of our favorite dates. Just the laid back pace and no kids around.

It's been really easy to connect and just enjoy that time.

I think it was pointed out different stages of life as you have the younger kids and you're still building a career or whatever it may be, whether the husband and the wife. It doesn't take a lot of money to do a date night. There's lots of options to do that. And date night shouldn't end. Date night should.

By that I mean don't end. It doesn't matter your season of life, you should still have a time date night or whatever you want to do and time time with your spouse.

So take that time. Date your spouse again no matter your stage in life. Right, Brother Clovis. So taking that time and brother Clovis agrees with me.

And it's easy once your kids reach.

Yeah, exactly. But also you have such a wonderful church family here has already been named that can watch your Kids now, they can.

Their kids can watch their own kids. Right. So as your stage in life changes, your kids should be able to watch themselves.

We have a sign up list.

Yeah.

If you need to put your name on it. Just saying.

Yeah. So also throw in.

We kind of turn everything into mini dates. We haven't always done this, but just errands and just anything like that. If we can do it.

Yeah, let's just go together.

Just gives you a little time to continue.

Go to Sam's together, whatever it takes. Yeah, yeah. So taking that time together, it's very, very, very important. Date night. We've gotten a little date night call.

Use the Texas Texas Roadhouse app and just order your stuff and go pick it up, come home and do a date night. Honestly, when your kids are out of the house, whatever, you know. But brother, I'm not going to go wait in line for food if I don't have to.

You know what I'm saying? All right. But yes, again, taking the time I can remember, even as a kid, or as kid, it's not the right word.

As counseling other couples, and couples especially who said, well, we don't have any money. And I would say to them, you need to take a night. You have free babysitters. Either it's family or it's church family.

Take the free babysitting and go do something. Go walk in the park, go get ice cream. I mean, if you still. I know prices have gone up.

It's still relatively cheap to run to Braum's and get a sundae or whatever the case may be. So take that time. All right, so good suggestions tonight. All right, so we'll come back over to James's. What is your favorite thing about each other?

I don't know if I should pass that off.

Yeah, go ahead, brother James, let's start this.

It kind of goes hand in hand with being godly. But if you know Rachel, she's very caring, compassionate. She is always, if somebody needs help with anything, she's usually right there to.

To do that. So that's something that I really, really like about her.

And I would say that without him, I couldn't do that.

So it also goes hand in hand that if he wasn't around to at 2 in the morning say, yep, I can get kids to miss Tanya before work the next morning so that I can go help somebody. Like that truly is. Again, it. It goes back to ministry as a couple. If you're married, it should be a together thing.

So that's one thing I would Say about Phil is he doesn't complain when I do have to leave in the middle of the night or leave him scrambling to. But also, he parents, he doesn't babysit.

And I think that's super important in today's society, probably Even more so 10 or 20 years ago, where dads were like, hands off. That's mom's job. But Phil understands that he's a dad, and he will tell you he doesn't babysit. He takes care of his children.

He does what dads are supposed to do.

So.

So I really do appreciate that in a husband, that he's a partner with me when it comes to our children and the weight of that doesn't fall on my shoulder. He understands his role biblically in that.

It's good. I remember, again, our kids were growing up, our three boys. I agree.

You parent as a dad, you parent your boys when your wife is not there, except when it comes to cooking. And then you take them to Taco Bell.

So my kids always knew if mama's going to a ladies meeting or mama's going wherever, and if daddy cooks, Daddy cooks at Taco Bell. That's how we cook. And they loved it because they had a playground there and inside playground, and we had a good time. So.

But yeah, I mean, just taking that opportunity to do that. Same question for y'all again. What's your favorite thing about each other?

Well, and this has changed over the years, too. But my initial thought was it's her energy. She will pour everything she has into whatever she's doing until she collapses.

But specifically for our marriage and our family, just that she takes that same energy and we'll give everything she's got just to make us better. And then as we've gotten older, our shared vision for our marriage and our family has really become one.

And that wasn't always the case, but it really makes everything work better.

Yeah. So as you get older, it begins to become more together as far as where we're headed and what we're doing. Yeah, for sure.

I would say the things that I enjoy the most about him are the things that balance me out. You know, he's a really funny guy, and I tend to be too serious, and so it's nice to have that. That laid back side.

He's also really, really empathetic and really caring and really nurturing of those around him. And that's something that a lot of people don't get to see.

But, you know, he kind of takes it upon himself to go to the grocery store or prep meals for the kids because they're complaining that there's not enough stuff around the house. Or, you know, and it's. We're a team in a lot of ways. And he's a great balance.

There were seasons in life where I did a lot of the cooking or the grocery shopping. Now we go grocery shopping together. And all of the things that he compliments me on, I think is what I enjoy most about him.

I do think as time goes on, you begin again. It becomes a shared vision, and you start doing for the other what the others would want and vice versa.

And I know again, when we were raising our boys, we found ourselves. I found myself doing the grocery shopping, and it was just easier for me to go do it than her. And so I got really good at going to Sam's.

I mean, like, really, really good. I knew where everything was at. Almost like, I know Home Depot. I know Home Depot better. But I knew Sam's pretty good.

And so I think that's another thing, is that shared and sharing in those things as time goes on. And this is always a good one. Let's start back over the lungs. What is the worst gift you've ever gotten for each other?

So I'd say there was one time for an anniversary that I was trying to be inexpensive. So our anniversary. So this is pointing out my own fault.

Not necessarily something from him, but our anniversary is in January, so it's right after Christmas. And Will's birthday is within a couple of days of our anniversary, too. So our anniversary tends to get pushed to the side a little bit.

And it was also early on and trying to be cheap because, you know, we. We didn't have a whole lot of money starting off. We got married young. Anyway, I.

So I was angling for a free pool table, and I thought that that would just, you know, that would be really great. Well, it didn't pan out, and I didn't end up with the free pool table.

And even though I explained, you know, this is something that we like to do, and this is going to be an anniversary present because this is stuff that we like to do together. He's like, you got me nothing. So that was. That was the worst gift. It's just the nothingness. Yeah, it's a thought that counts, though. It's a thought that counts.

Not the only time I got nothing, but so the worst. And I feel bad, but it was an anniversary, and I don't know which one, probably six or seven, just because of the volume.

What I remember, she was so excited.

And she just couldn't be more happy and took me, I think it was in the hallway, and she had lined up like seven bouquets of flowers for me for our anniversary, one for each year we'd been married. And I thought. I wasn't sure if it was a joke or I just didn't understand it. But she couldn't have been more excited, and I was just flabbergasted.

I had no idea how to take that. And I probably did not have a very good poker face about it, but I still don't understand it.

But she was sweet and she was trying, and it meant something to her. It meant nothing to me.

It's a good one. She wants you to start.

So I don't really remember a bad gift or a good one. Yeah, we don't do a lot of gift giving, and I'm. I'm really bad at giving gifts.

So her answer should be nothing, because I'm sure she got that a few times. But no, I don't really remember a bad gift, but there wasn't anything real memorable. Now we usually.

What we'll do if one of us wants something bigger, we'll kind of discuss it and just kind of buy it mutually. And that may cover a couple holidays if it's something bigger. So. But no, I don't really remember anything bad that I got.

It wasn't bad as in too bad. He tried. He tried really hard on a couple different occasions.

One, he bought a custom sign for our house that says established, you know, in the whole, like Texas and James family, Phil, Rachel and Abby. Except I was expecting Eddie, so that name is still missing in our house.

The other is this Mother's Day ring that he ordered for me for Mother's Day from China. And it didn't come for several months after Mother's Day. And when it arrived, he got the kids birthdays mixed up. So my ring is backward.

Abby's birthday has Eddie Stone, and Eddie's birthday has Abby Stone. But other than that, that's not bad at all. Yeah, he doesn't. Phil is not a gift giver.

And that's okay because if I want something, we literally just talk about it. So my last request was actually a shark fishing reel, which I got. But. And that was.

That should span a couple different birthdays and anniversaries and Christmases.

And I think that also would have to do with being a little more. Put it this way, a little. A little.

Little older, old and more mature.

That's it exactly. Because I can tell you Y'all have heard our story a thousand times. But my worst gift I ever gave her.

We had just gotten married, and it was like, the second year or third year. I don't remember. It was Christmas. I don't even remember what it was. All I remember. Huh, the sweats. The sweatsuit. Yeah.

I was like, first Christmas, wasn't it? Yeah, first Christmas. Okay, well, anyway, she'll correct me until this is almost over. Anyway, so it was a second or third year, whatever it was.

I got her a sweatsuit. It was green, except the green wasn't the same. Green for the top and the bottom.

I went to what back then would be kind of the equivalent of a Dollar General. What was the name of that plane? I don't remember, but it was in downtown Nakona in one of the old downtown stores. And, yeah, it didn't go well.

I would like to add, you know, both of our stories involved my bad gift giving, but he's not innocent and all of that. There was one year, and I don't even remember what the occasion was, but, you know, we've talked about. We try to have the same hobbies. Well, he was.

He had convinced himself that he was going to take up guitar, and so therefore, it should be my hobby, too. But I was not so convinced in that. And I even told him I was like, I am too old to be starting to learn a new. A new guitar now.

This must have been, like, 20 years ago. So even at the time, I was like, no, I'm not. I'm not picking up a new instrument at my age. So. But for what? Whatever might have been an anniversary. He. He gifted me a guitar.

Sounds reasonable to me. All right. Everybody would have a funny story, no doubt. What is something. We'll go back over here.

What is something you have grown to appreciate about your spouse after being married for a little while? And it says on the.

The original question says for several decades, and we've been alive for several decades, but we have not been married for several decades.

I would say the more I'm around others and seeing other marriages and that haven't worked out, like, outside of our church family, obviously, is that Phil puts a priority on where the priority should be.

He puts a priority on his church and on his family, obviously on his job, but his job falls down in that list and his church and Christ is above that list. And I've really grown to appreciate the fact that he instills that into our children and he shows them what's important there.

Just kind of going along with that. Yeah. You see a lot of marriages not lasting. And so Rachel's dedication, you know, obviously being transparent.

Everybody has issues in their marriage and problems and, you know, disagreements and things like that. But that's not a make or break it like some people do and throw in the towel and say, hey, that's, you know, that's it.

So just her dedication and love for God, just. Just sticking with me and my faults.

So again, it's not about walking out. It's about working it out. Marriage is. Marriage is work. It really is. If you're going to have a good marriage, you have to work at it.

Well, like the question mentions, we have been married for decades, and it's kind of what I've already mentioned, but it's. It's that level of oneness we have where her vision is my vision and just the focus on.

And again, we weren't always as good about this, but, you know, her primary focus is the marriage and the family. And, you know, and we're always striving for that. But that's.

I don't know if it's just age or just, you know, decades of working on this, but that's what I appreciate the most right now.

Right. But that's the way it should work. I mean, it should work that way as you work on your marriage. It should.

You should get closer as time goes on, not farther apart.

And I would say the thing that I've grown to appreciate, you know, like I said growing up, I grew up in a Catholic family, not necessarily in the Bible or teaching what a good godly home looks like. I'm not saying that they weren't.

That we didn't worship or whatever, but I wasn't raised to appreciate or understand what qualities to look for in a husband. And so to see the way that he leads our family and in a godly way, it's definitely been something that I appreciate.

And I got lucky in that regard because that's not something I was looking for when I was younger. Very good. Establishing a family altar. Brother James.

Yeah, so it's been mentioned last few years, but I agree with what was said. It's just keeping with it. I think every year it's been mentioned where there's been a lapse and, oh, no, we gotta start that again.

So the family devotions, you just gotta keep starting it. And of course, as the kids get older, there's gonna be other things that come up.

And so having just a specific routine or a specific time when you do that. When I was growing Up. It was always around dinner time because that's when the family was there. And so that's when we've done it. Seems to work best.

But, yeah, just.

Just sticking with it because it's easy to say, oh, well, we missed, you know, missed a couple days, couple weeks, but just, you know, starting it up again. And kids are pretty forgiving. They. They know, oh, yeah, let's. Let's start that again. And they're usually on board with it, so at least at this age.

No, they were.

And I believe that my sons would testify as we would go a little while without it, then we pick it back up, go a little while without, pick it back up. And it's just with our schedules the way they are, you just got to keep trying, keep going.

For us, practically speaking, what matters is keeping it simple, keeping it convenient, and keeping it interactive. When I first started trying to do devotions, I would.

I'd end up basically preparing a sermon, and it would come across preachy, and it would take an hour, and it was just. Which would also make it easy to, you know, not be prepared, but became too big a thing.

And so, you know, we're rarely together except maybe at dinner time. And so that's the convenient time. Using the little devotionals we have back here.

I don't love those, and a lot of times I don't love them when I open it to it, but it gives us a place where there's always something there. There's a verse or a thought or something we can go with. So if I haven't prepared, there's nothing on my heart. We keep those on our dinner table.

And, you know, we probably fail more than we succeed, but they're there, and we can see them, and any of us remembers it. You know, I'll do that. And then the interactive.

If I end up just talking the whole time, I see the faces glaze over, but we go around and kind of talk about a verse or whatever it is, and it seems to really help everyone get something out of it.

And then I've. Growing up with my dad, it was breakfast. Dad would get up, cook breakfast. Before we went to school, we had devotion time.

The little devotional called Daily Bread. Some of y'all remember that before it went another version of the Bible, it used to be King James, and he would do that, and we'd all pray together.

And so that's kind of what we did with our boys, too, growing up again, as we continue to try to implement it over and over and over again and keep it simple. That is the key. Keep it simple. If you over complicate it, if you make it too long, you'll find that you won't be as consistent.

And so we did the same thing as our kids got older, especially. We just took one of the devotionals. There's plenty of them back there in the bookstore. There's plenty.

The Paul Chapel or Brother Sexton or there's one back there. Used to be one from Dr. Barber. You can take those devotionals.

They have a nice scripture to read and a thought for the day, and to do that would be a blessing. Do not take and try to do an hour devotional with your kids. You know, just over time, you're going to find yourself burning out on that.

But it is good to try to continue. It's one of the things the devil fights. He fights it. Just keep trying. Start it over. If you got to start it over every month.

If you go a month without it, start it back up again. Maybe go two months without it, start it back up again, and just keep. Keep going. Okay. All right.

And I would like to add, too, we actually do a couple's devotion when. When the time or the occasion comes to it. There's one in the. In the bookstore that we really enjoyed. Gary. Gary Chapman. Is that. Yes, the Love Language one?

Yeah, the Love Language one. It's. It's not always kjv, but we, you know, we look up the. The. The KJV version, and it's. It's been really interesting to see how many times that.

That was so, well, fitting for that day. You know, we'll flip to whatever day we're looking at it, and it's. It's really been. It really hits home every time. So we've really enjoyed that one.

Yeah, so that. That's one I specifically. Specifically put in the bookstore, was given to me years ago on the Love Language.

Again, it's not King James, but we can get past that. And then another thing you can do as a couple is you can actually read a book together. Like brother Webby mentioned the book Love and Respect.

That's a great book. And what you can do is you can read a few pages each night together and have a devotional together like that, too, so encourage you in that way. Okay.

All right, we'll come back over to y'all. The Luns, how do you. How do you help each other through trials, through life's trials?

Well, I guess just communication, just being able to really bear everything to each other.

If she knows every fear I have Every know, every emotion I'm dealing with, then we can really take it on together and then pray together and just help each other through.

And I'd like to chime in, say, for a man, that's so important because men generally don't do that and don't completely open up to their spouse.

It took 20 years.

Yeah, it takes 20. Takes a while. But opening up of your fears, the trials that you're facing, so important.

Yeah, I definitely feel like we've come a long way in that you have to learn how to speak to one another.

In fact, we actually went through the love languages book and how we each receive love and how we communicate that or give or communicate, and learning how to speak to one another, I think was really important.

I tend to be really direct, and he tends to be really emotional, and just being able to speak to one another on each other's level was definitely something that took us a while, but it makes a big difference.

I think reading that book will help you kind of identify not only your love language, but kind of the personality traits and be able to understand your spouse better. When you do face those trials and why you do have. It is amazing how opposites do attract and you end up with one who's more.

You know, And I can see that here very. And I can see that here very. And y'all can see that in my wife and I. I mean, it's. It.

I could go through every marriage and show you nearly every one of them how that you marry someone who completes you. That's the whole point. He said, I've made you a helpmate, someone who completes you. And so. Such a great point. Okay, go ahead. Sorry.

So, yeah, kind of going along what brother Steve said, but the big thing for me is listening to the. Whatever the problem is, because at least for me, sometimes you. You're listening, but you're not really listening.

And so just understanding that and kind of putting away the distractions and just focusing on that problem. And, you know, as men, most of the time, we're not as compassionate as women are.

So putting yourself in their place and again, praying once you know the need and you're listening, praying specifically for that and encouraging, you know, encouraging her through the day. Hey, praying for you. You know, you've got this going on.

Just acknowledging that really helps me when I get a message from her saying that she's praying for me and something that I'm going through that day.

I'm sorry, what was the question? I want to make sure I'm answering.

That how do you help each other going through life's trials?

I would say being present, it's easy for us to have. He has his career and I have my career and I have everything else going on and he has a lot on his plate.

But yet when it comes down to there's a critical doctor's appointment or there's your dad is on his deathbed. We've been through a lot in the past year and we did get married later in life. I was 30, he was 33.

And we went through things not necessarily on our own because we each had our church family and we each had our personal families. But it is different when you have a spouse that you can walk through that together and you can talk through those emotions and those feelings.

But being present, not just physically present, but actually aware of what is going on in the other person's life, I think makes a big deal. And then like Phil said, we try to make it a habit of sending each other an email.

He gets up way earlier than I do because I work way later than he does at night. So we don't always see each other in the mornings. We rarely see each other in the mornings.

But I'll wake up to an email or as soon as I know he's at work, a text message, just something to help us connect early, early in the day so that those lines of communication stay open for the whole day. So that when something does come up and something hard happens in the day, the first person that I want to message or call is Phil.

Because I do know that that text or that email, hey, I'm praying for you today is true.

I think too.

Listening to the James's, I'm reminded of again, other couples I deal with who've been married really again, not late in life, it's the average in America.

But one thing that happens is because you have your individual lives before you get married and you've been independent, you already had good jobs and you already had your own bank accounts and you know, I'm talking about you had an established life when you got married. Then trying to, you know, again, weave that together is more of a challenge sometimes. And so he went from a three.

Bedroom, two bath house and I went from a three bedroom, two bath House to a 800 square foot apartment when we got married and we learned really early on that it was best if I cooked before he got home. So if he was coming home at 2 in the afternoon, supper was already done because it wasn't going to work if we were in the kitchen together.

Thankfully, after nine years. Now he just before church, as I was cooking, I stepped over him as he was working on the sink.

So it does get easier as you learn to again, communicate. And I can say to him, you are in my way. And he doesn't take offense to that. So it has improved a lot.

But I think you guys can help and be an example to those who have and who deal with those issues of being married a little later and already having independent lives. Like I said, having two houses.

I've seen that happen many, many times where a young couple has the two houses and we got to sell one of them and all the things that go into that.

Right. I believe that when the Bible says that two become one, that's what it means. It means your bank accounts become one.

I don't believe that a married couple ought to have separate bank accounts. I don't think married couples ought to have separate credit cards. In fact, I don't believe that because it's not biblical. Everything's together.

It's either all or it's not. You know, we're together.

And so I've seen divorced couples after they have divorced and then they get remarried, they say, well, I've been through this before. I'm going to keep things separate. And I'm just telling you, that's not Bible. That's not what you should do. It should be together. We're one. Amen.

And I appreciate what a great example we have up here. Not that we don't have a great example of that over here, but married young, you know, you didn't know any better. All right, I'm almost done.

We'll go ahead and go back to you guys. Tell us the importance of prioritizing church family.

Well, I can get really passionate about this one. So in 24 years, we have not always kept God at the center of our marriage or our family.

And I'll tell you, even when you think you're moral or you think you're good, if you don't keep Christ as the sinner and you're not always aiming to be in his will, sin will creep in and it will drive you apart. And the kids. So, you know, we paid a price in our marriage and in our family, we our kids as well.

But only when we wake up every day and try to focus on Jesus and just actively seek to Stay in his will. Everything's come together. The family's harmonious. Their marriage is closer than we've ever been. Everyone's happier. Just everything works better.

I think a lot of it started with both of us growing up. Church was always a priority coming kind of like it was for you, Pastor.

Just we were always there, each of us, you know, all three services and anything else that was happening at church. And so that kind of helped instill that in our. Each of our minds. And then as we were single and living on our own, that had to be a priority, too.

It, you know, wasn't necessarily always as high of a priority for me when I was single, but the job I was working didn't. Didn't give me a lot of time off on Sunday so I could run over quick for the service and then go right back to work.

And so as I got more established in that, I was able to get more involved in that. And then that kind of. As we came together, the big priority was, where are we going to live? Where are we going to move to?

And the first thing that we did was, even before we moved into the apartment, was find a church that we were going to be going to, so we already knew where we were going. And that, again, it's just kind of always been a priority. And if you do that, it makes it a priority for your kids as well. They know what to expect.

Kids never ask the question, are we going to church today? That should never happen. It really shouldn't. Church is a priority. Priority if you move.

I know we have several families that get opportunities to take jobs somewhere else. And I always encourage them. I encourage you. If you do that, then look for a church. There's a good church in that area.

You ought to look for that first. One of the ways you might indicate whether God wants you to take that job is whether or not there's a good church in that area.

And so, you know, making it a priority. Making it a priority over everything.

Making it a priority with your family, with your kids, no matter what's going on with the school programs and everything else in life that gets so busy, Church is number one. We're going to church no matter what's. No matter what's happening. So I appreciate both these families.

All right, so lastly, we'll come back over to the Luns. Just parting words of what do you believe? You know, help in making a marriage successful. What is. What does that look like to you?

Well, before I forget it, I wanted to throw in one thing that I. That Took me at least two decades to learn about listening. There really are times when the best thing I can do is listen and not offer a solution.

It's simple and it's obvious to most of you apparently, but I did not know that and I have to actually ask her sometimes am I, do you want a solution or am I just supposed to let you vent?

But honestly, overall, the biggest thing that I think, and I wish I could go back 20 years ago and tell myself is you must be really intentional and active in maintaining your marriage and your family. You can't ever coast. It's an active job. I mean, you have to work at it.

It's worth it, but you have to, you know, pour yourself into it, keep God at the center, be quick to forgive and quick to listen.

Yeah, just more of the same things that we've talked about is just making sure that you always keep communication lines open. And communication is, is so important, not holding back, being able to effectively listen. Communication is not necessarily just talking.

It's being able to listen and understanding what your partner needs from you in that regard.

I think what brother Lund said about most men are that way. They want hear the problem, here's the solution. And, and sometimes we just need to be quiet.

I've also found that as a pastor too, even working with our staff here, sometimes it's just better just to kind of let them talk and let them get through the talk and there may not be a solution. And they would usually sometimes come up with their own solutions. And so yes, absolutely.

I think in a marriage, especially men, we have a tendency to want to, yeah, solve the problem. And she's just wanting to tell you the story.

So several of the keys were in the other answers of the questions.

But for us, you know, putting God first, making sure church is a priority, finding something that you both like to do so that you can spend time doing that together.

And one thing I wrote down, especially for either new couples or maybe just couples in dating that aren't married yet but would be, don't think that you can change the other person. You know, we especially both of us had been living on our own for, you know, seven, eight, nine years.

And you know, we have our own habits and things like that. And so you can't think, oh yeah, when we get married, she's going to do this and she'll change. We're all our own individual person.

And so in that case, you really don't want them to change. That's part of who they are. And so even habits and Things like that. We got to give and take a little bit.

But don't think that everything's going to change when you get married and it's going to be perfect. You're going to have to work through those problems.

Yeah, I think we all experience that. Absolutely.

I would say a couple things, first of all, would be agree on your finances, because that can be a constant contention if you don't. And Phil is definitely the money guy and I'm the guy that spends it, but he did set me up.

So for those of you who are single, he literally worked hard so that he could. Could have good financial stability for his wife.

So if you have the ability to do that, that's been one of my greatest blessings is having somebody who knew money, and he does, and I like to spend it. But we do have resources in our church, too, that can help you with that. We have people here that are really good at that.

But then I think probably the most important thing I would like to stress is to find a couple who love both of you that you can go to.

So for us, the Lassiters or Clovis and Judy Hale, who have an interest in both of us together, because if I want, you know, first of all, don't go tell somebody else all about your husband what you don't like. Right. But when I have an insecurity or something, I need to go to someone not that's on my side, but somebody who together wants to see us succeed.

So finding a couple that I can trust, that he can trust, but that loves both of us because it truly isn't my problem or his problem, it truly is we have an issue in life that we have to get through together. And on that same note, having friends that as a couple, we can spend time with.

So while there's nothing wrong with a girl's night out every once in a while or him going fishing, you know, without me, there is something wrong with that. Let me backtrack on that. Him going to dishonor.

I have done that with him before. So us guys have been out fishing before.

But as a general rule, if you find people, your people are people that you can spend time together with, with your spouse, so that it's not every single week. I'm doing my own thing and he's doing his own thing.

So if there's one thing I think that I could stress the most, it's to find you a Clovis and Judy Hale or find you a brother and Mrs. Lasseter or someone that has proven that their Marriage worked because they put God first.

Exactly.

And if I can also add too, I think something that would have helped us quite a bit is we didn't have the best example of a marriage in our parents growing up. And I think that something that would help make a lot of help a lot of couples is just to raise your kids to understand what a good.

Marriage looks like and to have some examples. We have some wonderful examples in our church, including these two. And they've already mentioned Clovis and Judy. They get a lot of attention.

But there's so many others, too, brother Roy, Ms. Linda, others who've been up here on the stage, whom I look up to.

But those couples that you name are the ones who are always here working together. Right. Like the Reeds are the ones who are setting up for missions conference, and the Hales are the ones who are running to get stuff.

Like those couples that are such a good example are serving together in ministry.

Right? That's it. All right. We appreciate it very much. Y'all appreciate it very, very much. Let's have a time. We're gonna have a time. Let's all stand.

We're gonna have invitation. Yeah, they did a great job, didn't they? Putting up with me too is tough. We're gonna have a time of invitation. Maybe something was said tonight.

Maybe you want something. Come pray about something. I do believe testimony is a. Is absolutely. In the Bible. They gave their testimonies and.

And Paul gave his testimony so many times. And these are not just in to. Just to say words, but they're there to help encourage you, influence you. And so I encourage you.

If the Lord's touched your heart, you come tonight. So we're going to sing hymn 500, Pass Me Not, O Gentle Savior, after we pray. Heavenly Father, we thank you for these two marriages.

And Lord, may you continue to bless them, may give them wisdom as they continue to go forward. Lord, I do pray tonight that if it's touched a heart, maybe just one thing or two things that were said would influence a life.

Tonight I pray that your Holy Spirit would work in the life of those who've been listening. In Jesus name, amen.